My intention is good – I am going to loose that excess weight this year. I am going to get down to 120 lbs. If I loose one pound a month, I can get there by the end of the year.

So, the goal is not unrealistic. The process, avoiding high calorie food and moving a little bit more each day, should be easy enough. Well, it is not - I keep making excuses to myself.

I am just a little bit over weight; it is not hurting me. After all, I had three kids, so I am expected to look like this – rolling pouches on my stomach, missing waistline, a double chin – they come with territory. I cannot fight the aging process. I am just going to learn to age gracefully.

I have convinced myself that my weight is all right for my age and my circumstances. I know how to hide those fat pouches well, thanks to all those fashion magazines and modern technology in the underwear industry. I can avoid certain colors and types of fabric to give an illusion of ‘not too bad’ looking, and ‘not too big’ looking.

Also, all those women’s magazine encourages us to accept who we are. I was taught to accept myself, including my fat. In fact, I was encouraged to love them. “Love yourself, so you can love others.” “A little bit of weight makes you look ‘curvy’, and that is sexy.”

This year, I am learning to say, “This is not acceptable to ME. This is not my optimal weight,” by taking a little step at a time.

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